Chronic Illness, Health, Life, Surgery, The Past, The Present

I’m Back

I know I’ve been away a while, but I’ve struggled to find the words to write,

Back here now I am, and ready to share a little of my life.

I haven’t written in so long, I’m not sure where to start,

But I guess the words I should share, are those closest to my heart.

So where to begin?  I suppose at the beginning,

Not that I can remember where that is, so this story I’ll just start spinning.

 

I’m on a list for spine surgery, a topic I haven’t discussed much yet,

But I found out recently, some words I won’t forget.

This surgery I was promised, to hopefully improve my life,

And end the chronic pain, that can leave me in daily strife.

Was originally a 5 month wait, which I thought I could do,

But they got that wrong, and it turns out more like 10 months is true.

That was hard to hear, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried,

But when you hear it from the Surgeon himself, you don’t think they’ve lied.

It wasn’t really a lie, at least not intentionally,

He just didn’t know the true length of his list, but promises shouldn’t be made that way.

 

Onto other parts of my life, as I have much to say,

A lot on my mind, that I feel the urge to display.

 

My mind itself, has been a popular topic of late,

As the past few months, I’ve felt a change in my state.

This mind of mine has been sliding, and I’ve felt it’s shift,

Which all led to a visit with my GP, to discuss what we can do to lift.

On that day I was diagnosed, with anxiety and depression,

Difficult words to say for sure, but even harder to let them sink in.

I have been so strong in living, chronically ill these past 4 years,

But in the end my mind has crumbled, and it left me in tears.

Seeing this as NOT a weakness, is not easy at all,

But instead I’m re-framing it, as a sign of strength and will.

That I realised what may be happening, and reached out for help,

Instead of keeping it all inside, and torturing myself.

 

Those are the big news items, that are foremost in my brain ,

But that’s all the sharing for now, quite enough verbal rain.

So I’ll sign off for now, from my little online space,

But I’ll try to get over this writer’s block, and return more often to leave a written trace.

hello-im-back

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Chronic Illness, Health, Hospital, Life, My Story, Surgery

Snorkeling

Snorkelling is an art form

Swimming just beneath the surface

Looking for things that dwell within

Is the main purpose

The same principle can be applied

To my health I’ll explain

As my health issues, no matter how quiet they are

Within my body they remain

Controlled as best I can

With medications and treatments

The ailments of my body

May be quiet and symptoms silent

But still they remain within my body

Just under the surface

Waiting to flare at any opportunity

To wipe the faint smile from my face

As they’re only held off

By pills and Botox procedures

The issue isn’t cured

Only paused in its adventures

Once the pills stop working

Or the Botox wears out

Symptoms flare up with a vengeance

Of that there’s no doubt

Then I’m back to square one again

Trying new meds or undergoing the surgical knife

Slightly fearful in the knowledge that

My health history is my life

Chronic Illness, Health, Hospital, Interstitial Cystitis, Surgery, Uncategorized

An Ode to Botox

I have had a neurotoxin injected, into a muscle that has over-reacted.

My bladder is constantly in spasm, and I wanted to throw it into a chasm.

So off I walked into surgery, in the hopes of relieving my purgatory.

Not having Botox injected into my face, but instead in my bladder which seems a strange place.

A very long and large needle they used, afterwards my bladder felt a little abused.

As I awoke in a hospital bed after the event, I hoped that my bladder would now be repentant.

That it would relax and behave as it should do, so that I wouldn’t have to spend so much time in the loo!

So far so good although it’s early days, my bladder is learning to behave in new ways.

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Chronic Illness, Health, Hospital, Interstitial Cystitis, My Story, Surgery

Why I’m Excited About Having A Very Sharp Needle Inject A Neurotoxin Into My Bladder

At the end of this week, I will be heading into an operating theatre again.  This will be the seventh operating theatre I’ve seen the inside of in the last 3 and a bit years.  I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that, knowing that I’ll be subjecting my body to it’s 7th general anaesthetic…

This time surgery is not for my Endometriosis, but instead for a procedure to hopefully help with my Interstitial Cystitis symptoms.

This surgical procedure is known as Intravesical Botox.  In English, that basically means having a very sharp needle introduced into your bladder to inject Botox into the bladder muscle.  The science behind it means it works by paralysing the bladder to an extent so that it’s not so overactive and doesn’t spasm all the time like mine is currently doing.

Sounds pretty nasty, right?  I hear you asking  ‘how can she be looking forward to that?’

The simple answer is – I’m looking forward to symptom relief.  I can’t wait to live without constant bladder pain, to visit the bathroom less than a million times a day and just for my bladder to feel more comfortable and less like it’s constantly bouncing up and down inside of me.

I have had this procedure done once before, and it did give me excellent symptom relief, so I am hoping for the same to be true this time around.  Interstitial Cystitis is a truly horrible thing to live with, so any relief is more than welcome in my book!

Bring on Friday!

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