I know I’ve been away a while, but I’ve struggled to find the words to write,
Back here now I am, and ready to share a little of my life.
I haven’t written in so long, I’m not sure where to start,
But I guess the words I should share, are those closest to my heart.
So where to begin? I suppose at the beginning,
Not that I can remember where that is, so this story I’ll just start spinning.
I’m on a list for spine surgery, a topic I haven’t discussed much yet,
But I found out recently, some words I won’t forget.
This surgery I was promised, to hopefully improve my life,
And end the chronic pain, that can leave me in daily strife.
Was originally a 5 month wait, which I thought I could do,
But they got that wrong, and it turns out more like 10 months is true.
That was hard to hear, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried,
But when you hear it from the Surgeon himself, you don’t think they’ve lied.
It wasn’t really a lie, at least not intentionally,
He just didn’t know the true length of his list, but promises shouldn’t be made that way.
Onto other parts of my life, as I have much to say,
A lot on my mind, that I feel the urge to display.
My mind itself, has been a popular topic of late,
As the past few months, I’ve felt a change in my state.
This mind of mine has been sliding, and I’ve felt it’s shift,
Which all led to a visit with my GP, to discuss what we can do to lift.
On that day I was diagnosed, with anxiety and depression,
Difficult words to say for sure, but even harder to let them sink in.
I have been so strong in living, chronically ill these past 4 years,
But in the end my mind has crumbled, and it left me in tears.
Seeing this as NOT a weakness, is not easy at all,
But instead I’m re-framing it, as a sign of strength and will.
That I realised what may be happening, and reached out for help,
Instead of keeping it all inside, and torturing myself.
Those are the big news items, that are foremost in my brain ,
But that’s all the sharing for now, quite enough verbal rain.
So I’ll sign off for now, from my little online space,
But I’ll try to get over this writer’s block, and return more often to leave a written trace.