I would like to think that I cope pretty well living with (doing a quick mental count here…) 7 different chronic health issues, and all of the various symptoms they bring with them. Not blowing my own trumpet here, but a lot of the time I can manage all the different facets of day to day management.
But at other times, all of the pill taking, appointment making, symptom tracking and general chronically ill living really gets on top of me.
At the moment, I’m stuck in one of those times where things are just really tough.
- There are various symptoms showing up out of the blue, while others are escalating out of my control.
- There are appointments I’ve just conquered this month, and already I’m stacking up multiple future dates for next month.
- There is intense nausea which means I want to eat small snacks regularly, but severe bloating and a feeling of fullness which discourages me from eating.
- There is more severe pain that has suddenly shown up, in a place within my body that it wasn’t before.
- There are medications that have been working which suddenly don’t any more, and a new treatment regime that is daunting and a step into the unknown.
- There are work days to attend and schedules to adhere to, but little to no energy with which to fill those commitments.
- There is a procedure coming soon, and during the time my body is under that procedure’s spell, I have to attempt to schedule a major surgery.
- There are thoughts that suddenly strike my mind like lightening bolts, and somehow turn my mental stability into a whirlwind of confusion and tears.
- There are multiple different malfunctioning body parts, and very few self care tools that I can use to soothe them.
- There are Specialists to see, but much patient waiting and perseverance required until appointment day finally arrives.
- There is a headache that arrived yesterday with a skull splitting fury, that still lingers today in an attempt to break my mind and body.
- There are nights of long and deep sleep, but days still filled with extreme fatigue and exhaustion.
As you may be able to tell from that small (ha ha!) list, things aren’t going well for me at the moment. I’m struggling to push forward each day, and sometimes wondering if I have enough within me to keep up the fight.
But on the days where I ponder giving up altogether, I am left with one loud and lingering thought –
If I give up now, what will I do? What will my day to day end up looking like? What else is there but what I have, as difficult as it often is?
So despite being so close to the edge at times, I continue putting one foot in front of the other. I persevere, although some days I don’t honestly know how I manage to keep moving forward, even if it is at a painfully slow pace.
But I am here today, and moment by moment I will live. Stepping gingerly from one hour to the next, not sure what may be coming to meet me. Continuing to do the best I can with the life that I have been gifted, despite the many challenges it brings.
Sending you all the courage I can muster today, my lovely readers.