Blogging, Chronic Illness, Health, Life, The Present

Coming Up For Air

I feel like I’ve been breathing underwater lately. Lots of things on my plate in life with physical health decline, worsening chronic pain, more responsibility at work and other issues – it’s just gotten on top of me!

It’s at times like this that many non-essential things in life fall by the wayside, and blogging has been one of them. I promise I’ll be back more often soon though, but at the moment I’m still trying to claw back all that I have lost health wise.

Tonight though I missed my little blog, so I thought I’d post these words that I came across tonight. They’re very poignant in my life right now.

Talk more soon,

C xx

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Blogging, Family, Life, The Present

War in My Home

I feel like I’m falling, on the verge of letting go.

Giving up isn’t an option, in my brain that’s what I know.

But as I hear my loved ones argue, and raise their voices above my head.

I just want it all to end, for my home to be quiet instead.

I don’t want to leave them, and I couldn’t if I tried.

My circumstances are all wrong, I am so very tired.

But hearing of this conflict, and being in this space.

Makes my stress levels rise, while wishing for my own place.

A quiet and peaceful haven, where I don’t have to worry any more.

Somewhere I can be safe in the knowledge, that my loved ones fight no more.

But I can’t leave, it just won’t work.

Can’t support myself on my own.

So here I stay, stuck in the middle.

Of a war inside my home.

NB – Ironically when I plugged my ears into Spotify to drown out my surroundings tonight, the first song that randomly played was ‘Stronger – What Doesn’t Kill You’ by Kelly Clarkson. This was swiftly followed by ‘Radioactive’ by Imagine Dragons, the lyrics of which also hold a lot of meaning for me.

I think someone is trying to send me a message…

Chronic Illness, Health, Life, The Present

Keeping Up

I try to keep up,

Alter my appearance to suit.

Be happy and bubbly,

And helpful to boot.

But the more I attempt,

To be a ‘normal’ human being.

The more changes and differences,

Instead I am seeing.

I’m an incredibly tough judge,

When it comes to myself.

If I’m being really honest,

It’s affecting my health.

My heart quickly races,

My mind will often swirl.

In this moment I realise,

I’m far from a normal girl.

I only work part time,

Haven’t attended University.

Live in chronic daily pain,

And have had my fair share of adversity.

Whichever way I look at it,

I just don’t measure up.

But I can’t live any kind of life,

If I don’t fill my own cup.

So enough with the brave face,

And cheery put on demeanor.

It’s time to take care of me,

And be my own *Redeemer.
*No offence meant God, you know that you’re my Number 1 Redeemer ❤️

Chronic Illness, Health, Hospital, Life, My Story, Surgery

Snorkeling

Snorkelling is an art form

Swimming just beneath the surface

Looking for things that dwell within

Is the main purpose

The same principle can be applied

To my health I’ll explain

As my health issues, no matter how quiet they are

Within my body they remain

Controlled as best I can

With medications and treatments

The ailments of my body

May be quiet and symptoms silent

But still they remain within my body

Just under the surface

Waiting to flare at any opportunity

To wipe the faint smile from my face

As they’re only held off

By pills and Botox procedures

The issue isn’t cured

Only paused in its adventures

Once the pills stop working

Or the Botox wears out

Symptoms flare up with a vengeance

Of that there’s no doubt

Then I’m back to square one again

Trying new meds or undergoing the surgical knife

Slightly fearful in the knowledge that

My health history is my life

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Meet a woman who is a Spoonie

My beautiful friend Zoe is creating a new writing venture called ‘For The Sisterhood’, and I was so incredibly happy to be her first interviewee! The article is beautiful, and I’m so excited for the future of ‘For The Sisterhood’. Have a read of the article, then head over to her site and follow her journey for more stories featuring wonderful women 🙂

For the sisterhood

“SPOONIE” An individual who suffers from a chronic illness

I first met Caroline in 2015 after my own diagnosis with Endometriosis. She was the creator of Endo Frenz, a group for women under the age of 30 years who were either diagnosed with Endometriosis or were suspected of having it.

This page was a way for young women to discuss any possible issues they were having whether it be with health issues, relationships and friendships, or issues with managing pain, as well as finding ways to uplift one another on some of our toughest days.

It was clear from the very beginning, that Caroline, no matter what she was facing, was positive and always focusing on everyone else. This is what I admire about her.

As well as being diagnosed with Endometriosis, Caroline’s other health issues include, Adenomyosis, Interstitial Cystitis/Painful Bladder Syndrome, Gilbert’s Syndrome, Scoliosis and fatigue as well as…

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Blogging, Chronic Illness, Health, My Story, The Past, The Present

What I’ve Become

As I sit here this night on the eve of my birth, I have begun to consider what may be my worth?

How my health issues have drastically  changed the outcome, of the life I dreamed about versus the person I’ve become.

I had ambitions of attending University, to study a degree in Physiotherapy.

Instead I spent so many months out of  work, with money tight and medical files my main source of homework.

Fatigued, exhausted and in pain, at times I felt the life I lived was in vain.

I’ve pushed myself hard when my body didn’t loudly protest, and plenty of times when it would have been wiser to rest.

There have been so many guinea pig moments, with new meds, acupuncture and natural potions.

All in the quest to make myself well, when some treatments and side effects have made my life Hell.

And what have I done with all of this ‘so called’ spare time?  Learnt an instrument, exercised, nurtured myself and studied part time.

But through it all I’ve learnt a lot, despite the trials and challenges I never forgot.

Proving to myself just how strong I can be, and how patient I am when waiting is key.

So although this life isn’t what I imagined, I am so glad I never abandoned.

That I never stopped trying or gave up for long, because I’ve grown so much and quitting always felt wrong.

I’ve done what I can with this life of mine, and of that I am proud and will be for all time.