So, it’s the answer you’ve all been waiting for…
I have decided to stay blogging here.
It’s thanks to a lot of thinking on my part, and also to the lovely Where Are My Pillows? for her comment and provoking even more thoughts in my mind. Also thank you to all of you who have reached out to me, and shared your thoughts. The whole public / private blog thing appears to be a topic that quite a few of you have considered yourselves, so in a way it’s nice to feel like I’m not alone.
So, why have I decided to stay?
Well, I did some soul searching and tried to figure out why I started to blog in the first place. Truth be told, this isn’t my first blog. The blog that you see now has emerged and grown from what was originally a very small homemade blog on Blogger, that I started back on Monday 1st September 2014.
Back then, I was in my first year of living with chronic illness full time. Understandably, I was searching the internet and trying to find blogs and info from other people my age who were living with similar issues. I did find a few, but not as many as there are now by any means. Because I didn’t find a lot, I decided to start writing so that maybe I could be ‘that blog’ for someone else who was new to the chronic illness journey.
I thought ‘if my words could reach just one other person who was struggling and feeling alone, then that would make it worthwhile for me to know I have made a difference in someone’s health journey’.
In my thinking on whether to make this blog private or not over the past few days, I opened my ‘Drafts’ tab in WordPress, and scrolled through the thousands of words that didn’t make the cut. The attention grabbing title that never had a post to go with it, or the few sentences typed to capture an idea that never eventuated. There are nearly 200 posts in that ‘Drafts’ folder of mine, and it put me in a solemn state of mind.
There is currently a house being demolished near where I live. As it gradually comes down, more and more of the underlying structure is being revealed. The beams, wall board, concrete blocks, broken bricks smashed and lying in the dirt below. This house that took so many months, different kinds of materials and various tradesmen collaborating to build, is being torn down in just a few days. All of that hard work, all of that time, just gone in a cloud of dust and trucks full of rubble.
Seeing the constantly changing landscape as this house is being demolished, has left me with a vivid mental picture of what it could feel like if I turned my blog from public to private.
All of those posts gone. All of the thoughts, the words, the mountain of drafts would just disappear from the public face of the internet. All of the time I have invested over the years would shrink, as with a private blog I would predominantly be only writing for myself, and the few people who already know I exist and what my writing is like. As some of you pointed out, having a private blogging space would potentially discourage new people who discover my blog from following me, because they would have to sign up to do so.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not someone who is sharing my writing to see how many likes or followers I can get, although I appreciate everyone who follows me and seems to like what this ordinary girl taps out on her keyboard. Which brings me eloquently into my next question…
Why Do I Write?
Asking myself this question is a bit like asking anyone why they breathe, or why they eat breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening.
I write because words pour out of me from time to time.
I write to download the mental load of the day / week from my brain.
I write to free myself from thoughts spinning round and round inside my head.
I write because phrases and ideas come to me, and they pester me until I write them down somewhere.
I write to share my own experiences, in the hope that it may help someone else.
I write for so many reasons…
I write because it feels good, and so for now I will stay, and keep writing when I can for as long as I can.
Yes, I do struggle with my words being out on the internet for all to see, but I will try to put that to the back of my mind, and trust that those who come here to read what I write will be kind.
See you all soon when the writing bug strikes me again,
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